Nature walk & toolkit talk

Taking Daisy for a long walk around our neighbourhood is starting to yield all sorts of fun things. We walked around the big block the other day and my phone said we clocked 3.5km. I really need to find the charger for my Fitbit and wear it again. I’m pretty sure it’s in a safe place…anyway, the first stop on our walk was the pet shop at Mount Gravatt. They have some awesome things in there and I could easily buy half the shop!! Yesterday we were on a bone mission. Pluto has started sharing bones with Daisy in the backyard. This could possibly be more accurately described as Daisy stealing bones off Pluto, but it turns out Daisy loves rubbing those teeth on a good size bone. She polished off the one she stole from Pluto so I thought we could look at the options at pet city. Really I just need to show you this photo so you understand how Daisy felt about her treat…

Bright eyes!! Hehe

After we made our purchase at the pet store we continued to take the long way home and came across a parkland area that included a dogs off leash section. And there were beautiful trees all around us helping to cool the temperature down a bit! We were both a bit thirsty by then and enjoyed the well placed fountain! Daisy looked like the little mermaid trying to get her drink on

I love her big and little dogs scaled back harness so much. My little scaly fish hehe. The park was a lovely big space with lots of trees for her to sniff and a nice place to just sit and enjoy the cool air and quiet.

I think we will visit this place a few more times. It’s a good walk to a halfway point for a rest and a play, and to reset before taking on the hills to get back home.

I know Daisy really enjoyed it – she slept like a solid log all night!!! The fitness goals in my tool kit currently include 30 minutes of walking every day. I got caught in about 10 minutes of rain when I got to work this morning and my shoes still won’t dry! I have a treadmill at home so I think I will have to make sure I log half an hour on that when I can’t get out with Daisy.

The other 30 minute tools in my kit are 30 minutes of sunlight every day and 30 minutes of meditation each day. I have to look at how I can include time to meditate before work to beat the anxiety, and after work to shake off the day. It’s about putting boundaries around things. So that when I’m at work my personal life stays out the door. Then when I leave work I can pick it up on the way home. It feels like a ships in the night kind of thing if I can make it work. But I need to be able to bleed a little both ways because work is the only way I know how to make friends so I need to bleed into outside work friends if I’m going have a social life, and I’m not me if I don’t have a story from my outside life that I can relate into my work. I’m missing having my people around me. 4 years ago it was the ex I vent on, these last years my sister has been my best friend so close to all the action, and then that little piece of my soul that moved to Melbourne just after I found him. I miss the mishmash of everyone together. Loneliness is mean. I don’t feel it as often anymore but I have noticed that my best people are all just a bit further out of reach than normal. What I am learning is that I am getting much better at keeping my own company as long as I mix in a play date every now and then! And in light of that I need to add a thing called Meet Up into my life. I haven’t really looked closely into it but it’s a place where there are lots of different meet ups organised and you go along and join in the activists you are interested in. I’ll do some looking into it over the next couple of days and let you know what I find. Making friends is still super hard for me. I just don’t know how to do it. Makes me feel like I’m 13 again at a new school where I know like 1 other person in my class and I have to choose who to sit next to!!

One day I’ll sit in really cool cafes with my really cool dog at my feet and a really cool book I’m trying to read as all my friends drop by for coffee and a catch up hehehe Where’s the dude writing my life story? Cafe life sounds amazing hehe

Sweet dreams xx

I should totally write a book sitting in a cafe about cafe life with my dog and passing people. Put it on the bucket list!

Working on it

Today was the first time in over a week I felt comfortable again at work. It’s so weird feeling unsettled in a job. Since I left university (way too many years ago), I have pretty much had a life of work and not much else. And I have almost always been comfortable in my job. Maybe not always comfortable in my work place, as can happen, but I have always been good at my job. I work hard and I love the results of that. Being where I am now, with stress levels super high and anxiety coming out my ears, is just so strange. But I’m working on it.

I met with the psychologist on the weekend. It felt like I was meeting someone for coffee and a chat – minus the coffee! The session was about getting to know my background really. And I forget just how many things have happened in the last 3 years! HUGE changes in my life and lifestyle! It’s so easy to get caught up in the little things life throws at us and forget those life changing moments. I always feel a bit stupid when I can’t stop crying or whatever it is that is impacting my mental health on that day, but really, I have had a whole bunch of change and I’m doing life on my own again for the first time in over 10 years.

The psychologist really nailed it when she said I need more fun in my life. But it’s so hard to meet people. Then again, it’s even harder if I don’t leave my house hehe. I had a friend stay on the weekend and we watched girly movies and ate way too much. It was fun having someone else around. My trip to NSW has been postponed but that’s ok because I think I need to check the car over before I take it too far anytime soon. My next night out is to see a play at the Queensland Theatre in March. I’m looking after a friends dog for a couple of weeks soon and have booked both the dogs in for a spa day at Aloha Hound. I’m going to spend their spa time getting lost in IKEA. Might have to leave my spending money at home for that trip!

I have tomorrow off so the plan is to get my house in order. It’s not too bad but I need to vacuum and wash the floors rather desperately. I have set my alarm early to take Daisy for a walk to get coffee and then get started on my housework. It’s supposed to be cooler tomorrow so that will help things! If I get everything done in the morning then I can reward myself with some Netflix for the afternoon. Sounds relaxing!

Well it’s nearly midnight so I’d better fold my (angel) wings. Sweet dreams all!!

Xx

Ha, angel.

A trifle stifling

It’s too hot. This heat wave is just getting crazy now!! Last night was bad. It just seemed to keep getting hotter instead of gifting a little bit of relief! Tonight, while maybe not quite as hot, is shaping up to be much the same as last night.

Of course being kept awake by the lack of air conditioning in my life just helps fuel the brain into overthinking everything it feels like overthinking. Why can it never be the good stuff? For example, I had an exceptional piece of carrot cake as a sweet treat today and I could happily relive that delight a million times over!!

Mmm cake…

Anyway, I must say that I’m very jealous of Daisy. When she gets too hot she just lies on the floor. I have tiles and she loves how cool they are. But then she gets on the bed and steals my pillow once she has cooled down enough. Thief. Lucky she’s cute. I know I’m starting to feel my age when the thought of lying on the floor to soak up the cool tiles makes my body hurt just knowing I would have to get up again. Time to add more yoga into my life hehe.

Well my eyes are finally starting to feel a little heavy and I have managed to steal back a small piece of the pillow so I better attempt sleep. If that doesn’t come I have another one of those things that help lined up – a book!! Or 5…

Sweet dreams xxx

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m a sucker for romance. Give me a sappy book, play, movie, and I’m as happy as Larry! (Whoever Larry is). So I wish you all a happy Valentine’s Day and hope you got some love from yourselves more than anyone else.

I bought my valentine a little present for looking after me so well recently. She is such a spoiled pup hehe

And that smile says she sure does love to be spoiled!

I should be asleep but it’s so damn hot I can’t settle. In good news I have my appointment for tool kit building on Saturday afternoon. After it I get to have a friend come and stay and we are going to be girly and eat junk food and spoil Daisy some more! I’ve been looking forward to this for a couple of weeks now! Early next week I’m heading on a road trip to NSW to see another friend for a night. She thinks she is going to make me watch scary movies, but I’m pretty sure I can find a cushion to hide behind!

For now I might see if I can move the fan to a better position to help aid sleep. Lil Bub is telling me it’s going to be a long, hot, sticky night.

Sweet dreams all!! Xx

Things that help

I saw my doctor on Friday and she has set me up on a mental health plan. I’m going to meet with a psychologist to work on building a stronger tool kit. But until then I thought I would write down some of the things that I know help me feel just a little bit better. And then I have a reference for when I can’t see past the dark shadows!

1. Daisy.

This should really be the most obvious solution to any bad day. She knows when I’m at my worst and sticks by my side like glue. I just have to reach out and she is never far from my hand. The other major benefit of having a dog is taking her for walks. She loves to explore the neighbourhood and a satisfying scratch and sniff walk is great for both of us. Time to make them a regular thing again.

The other amazing thing about having a dog is meeting other people with dogs. This last year I have made some friends just by going to market days that we’re set up for dogs, following local dogs on Instagram, getting along to meet ups and doggy birthday parties, and making use of local small business to spoil my dog! Today was an excellent reminder that I can make friends and am pretty good at picking amazing ones!!

This is Daisy and Brucie. They get along so it’s an excellent excuse for Brucie’s mum and I to catch up over coffee and donuts! And this leads nicely into…

2. Friends & Family

I caught up with 3 friends today that I haven’t spoken to for a while! And it’s so good for my soul to have these connections. It’s so easy to draw that circle around yourself and not let anyone in. But I moved to this new country to be closer to my sisters and to meet new people and grow into myself. When the sads hit, it’s so easy to shut down but I’m working very hard on myself to ask for help. And sometimes that help is just a visit with a friend. And then there’s my rock at the other end of my phone. We should all be able to have that one person you can tell anything. We very rarely see each other in person but if a day goes by without speaking to each other… well that’s pretty much unheard of. Friends that feel like family are the best.

3. Lists!

I love lists. Lists used to help me rule my world and I really don’t know how it is that I stopped using them. This stops now. Lists are officially back on the table! Lists of goals, lists of chores, lists of things I want to do, places I want to go, lists of happy things I need to keep in my tool kit 😜 The best thing about lists is also my number…

4. Stationery!

I love pretty stationary. I’ve made a start at planning this year using my favourite planner but I think I can use it for more. Tomorrow is about getting on top of my housework but I think I might slip in half an hour to organise my planner. Feeling organised makes me happy. Even if things don’t always go to plan, it’s claiming just to have a plan. Plus I heard somewhere that half an hour of handwriting can improve your mood by leaps and bounds. I’m all for mood improvements!!

5. Colouring

I’m so glad I reached out for this particular mindfulness activity again recently. Being able to limit my decisions for 20 minutes to what colour to use where, and to focus my mind on making sure my pen stays in the lines (seriously I think a trip back to kindy is in order some days!) has helped give my brain a much needed rest from over thinking everything. And it’s super satisfying to get an end result.

Same patterns in different presentations. It was fun to match the colours.

Well it’s nearly bedtime and that’s a pretty good start to my tool kit. If I think of more I’ll add them to a future post! Fingers crossed the new sleeping pills work xx

Stay amazing xx

All the feels

I love this meme. It’s true for so many things. And I’m all for getting the drama out of your system so you can move on!! (As long as you don’t hurt anyone while expressing said drama). I have the best support people that put up with my drama too hehe thanks team!!

Now where do I get a couch like that?!

Xx

That thing again

Whenever my depression gets really bad, I start to focus on the things I cannot control to the extreme detriment of the things I can. For example, taking a shower every day, washing the dishes, putting things away instead of leaving piles of things to build up, running the vacuum around, basic household chores… all these things vanish out the window just because I cannot control something else that is happening in my life that I would not have any control over even on a good day. But I become so fixated on not being able to control that one thing that I lose control of the easy things. Have I lost you yet?

I’m feeling very bipolar at the moment. Extreme happy go lucky self one minute, depths of despair the next. And I’m finally realising that I’m lacking the tool kit to get out of this extreme funk. I have my medication that I am extremely grateful for, but sometimes it’s just not enough. We will have all noticed by now that my enthusiasm for exercise that was so prevalent in my first post back has vanished into thin air. And I’m fighting to get back at least my daily walk with Daisy. We did manage a walk this week… to the bottle store. Another thing that needs to drop out of regular circulation and into special treat time instead.

I’m taking the easy road with my food this month. As much as I love cooking, I’m still in that struggle to shower cycle and cooking was just turning into food going off in my fridge and money being spent to feed my junk food habit. So I’m using LitenEasy to cover lunch and dinner for at least this month, so I don’t have to worry about my nutrition. The bonus side effect being that it should definitely help lower my cholesterol, and eating well always encourages more energy. Best of all is the convenience of not having to think about anything to do with food other than what to have for breakfast. This leaves vital brain power for those really important tasks in a day like getting to sleep at a reasonable hour at night (that fits in with both night and day shifts), getting out of bed in the morning with enough time to enjoy breakfast (and lunch if on a late start), remembering to shower (highly important) and being able to function like the fully awesome person I normally am at work!!

I’m meeting with my doctor again tomorrow to adjust some of my medications and to see about getting some help with building that tool kit for these times where I have let the depression spiral into the realms of the out of control (and some tips for noticing it before it’s too late again). I know that when I’m at my best, I can do and achieve anything. The slippery slope definitely started with being so unwell late last year, but it’s time it stopped. Tools to turn it around are what I need now! And with a few little building blocks (nutrition, exercise, showering) I’m certain I can learn to climb back into my awesome self and shake off this funk!!!

So I guess this blog is about being accountable. It’s easy for me to hide out in my own little world now and not engage with life. I live on my own, don’t know many people in the area, never really get out much, and those things help feed the depression to a point where that’s where I’m comfortable. And that’s not living!!!

So here I am. Finally fighting to shake off the comfortable funk blanket and engage with the world again…. or at least get some help to get back there!!

Much love to everyone and if you need a cheerleader or a hug just like I do, I’m here with pom-poms ready and arms outstretched xx

stay strong beautiful people ❤️