I’ve been back over a week, but my headspace hasn’t been the best lately. Even in Melbourne I was not at my best. But I really did have an awesome time. It’s kinda like going home when I get to stay with Kieran and his family. I always feel welcome and I miss them all when I leave again!
It was a pretty awesome start to my trip. I had a lovely flight companion! We talked for the whole flight pretty much and when we landed she gave me a ride to Kieran’s! We stopped for lunch on the way and met another friend of hers. I love that there are such beautiful people in the world, and that something as simple as sitting with someone on a plane can make for an awesome day!
I was pretty exhausted by the time I got to Kieran’s so that night we indulged in way too much cheese and watched a movie. So good to relax! On Wednesday we went into the city for a bit of window shopping. And then went to Pricilla: Queen of the Desert the musical at the Regent Theatre. It was so awesome!! I knew all the songs and pretty much danced in my seat the whole night!
We had delicious cocktails too hehe
The next night we went clubbing… and that’s probably enough said about that. You just need to know that it meant Friday was basically a write off and April is a mostly dry month (except for when my cousin comes to visit in a couple of weeks cos we have to have a wine!!).
Melbourne even turned on the weather for my trip. Not a single rainy day! Hehe and temperatures in the 20s instead of low teens! I always think I want to move there. Especially when I come home again. Maybe I just need to do it. I have a couple of months to really think about what I want and where I want my life to go, so who knows.
My head is not in a good place for making decisions right now anyway. I know that much. I had my psychologist appointment on Thursday and it was almost the exact opposite of the last one. I didn’t want to be there, or talk about anything, or engage with her, or even be out of bed really. It was pretty clear by the end of the session that I’m in a low point of depression. I seem to have the anxiety mostly under control but that’s probably because my self care/care about anything button has been switched off. I cried on her again and promised to try and get myself back a bit. She sent me away with a promise to see my doctor for a medication review and to have a go at charting my moods (which I haven’t done yet so better get the chart out after this!). I saw my GP on Friday and she has added a different type of medication into the mix that can also help with my sleep problem. It’s definitely working for that as I have been asleep before midnight since I started taking it and that is very unusual! I have also been waking up at a reasonable time in the morning too. I even took Daisy out yesterday and today.
Yesterday we went to a Doggy Daycare opening party to have a look. It was a beautiful morning and the sun was out. Daisy got lots of pats and attention and had a play with some of the other dogs. I hid behind my sunglasses and pretty much only talked to the dogs. We were both exhausted from the strain of it all when we got home and slept for a couple of hours after lunch. It’s so weird for me to go into a situation like that and not at least try to meet the humans there. But this is where I am at the moment. Stuck in the why bother loop. The psychologist said I’m just going to have to go at everything with a “just do it” attitude until I balance out again. It’s to try and offset the “it’s easier not to” attitude.
Today is Orthodox Easter and my landlady invited me to join her and her friends and family for an Easter feast. So Daisy and I got up this morning, went for a walk in the sun, had a cuppa in the sun, and soaked up all the good stuff that sunlight can bring. We joined the party just as it was getting started outside. There was lots of food, laughter, sunshine, and food. And now I’m exhausted. So is Daisy! She went around to everyone here to make sure she got lots of pats and a morsel of food wherever possible. She was a hit with everyone. I’m not sure I even spoke much. Luckily there was lots happening so I could just concentrate on being around people and not retreating too quickly back into my house.
Tomorrow it’s back to work. In a way it’s a good thing I’m on the phones at the moment. It’s like the people on the other end of the line don’t count as real people, so it’s not such a big thing for me to be involved with anyone. I just need to focus on the work and make sure I’m doing my job correctly. I need to spend some time going over my training again I think. It’s probably just my brain telling me I’m not good enough, but it’s always a good thing to review my knowledge and make sure I really do know my job enough to be doing it 99% right all the time. I have felt like I have been making mistakes recently and that annoys me because I like being in control of my work and being at the top of my game. And there is so much to know in my job so sometimes it’s more about knowing where to find the information more than being able to recall the information. So that’s my goal this week. Get my good work rhythm back. Get my head at least back in the work game, even if it’s still struggling with the living aspect of life.
Well that’s probably enough from me today. It seems I had a bit to say after all. Writing this blog was another thing on my just do it list for this week and I really didn’t think I could. But here it is. I’ll check in again in a couple of days to report on how my mood charting is going (and my mood). Time to take Daisy for another walk. We need to walk off some of that amazing Greek feast we had for lunch!
Take care all xx
Project: Suzy 